Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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