If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
