i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
