highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
