Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
