shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I need a beard to bite.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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