i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you didnt know i had herpes?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
