Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
