I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
