Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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