the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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