I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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