I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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