so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
