I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
