You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
