Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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