Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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