remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
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We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
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He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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