So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
