That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
