haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
