I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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