then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
