you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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