Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
