One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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