totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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