it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
