Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You may now shotgun with the bride
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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