Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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