I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
