I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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