shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
