I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
