It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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