Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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