Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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