That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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