I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
