My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
