were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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