The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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