i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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