I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
