I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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