I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
