I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
