I showed him my bush... on skype.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
