trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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