There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
