Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
