The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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