1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Randomize
