True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
