If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
