So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
