im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
