I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
