She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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