so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
