Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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