I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
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She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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