o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
