I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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