You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
