I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
