Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
