I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
