I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
