The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
