i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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