If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
What a dumb baby whore.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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