The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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