You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
