oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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