I want to walk on stilts...naked
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
