I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
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There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
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If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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