I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Randomize
