Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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