I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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