Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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