Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
