Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
this is an emotional support booty call
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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