What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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