Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
